To my loved ones, friends
and even strangers,
who have touched my life.
I am gratified
that in my sufferings,
your time and resources, and prayers seem like gifts from above.
In the end, there will be no tears
sad notes, mournful words,
no remorse for what you
could have done.
Life is too short
for all human dreams,
but it is better by far
to leave behind
love that bind us.
I feel heaven’s hold
And hear its call ~
beautiful and serene…
There are no words
with which to speak
or write about it.
This entry is dedicated to all those people whose time I have wasted listening to all my vents, rages, angst, frustrations, and hopes. You know who you are. Kung wala kayo, marahil ay baliw na ako.
Friends come and go but there are some you would want to keep forever but though you want to keep that person in your life that person doesn't usually agree to that and you end up wondering if they are worth the importance you've given to them in your life.
How can someone be such an essential part of our life and just vanish the next day? If I knew the answer to this I won't be having a hard time dealing with losing someone but I don't so I feel all miserable about it. I'm not good at handling new emotions and going through with this is something I don't know how to deal with. I'm not saying I never lost someone before but not in these circumstances. I would have easily accepted it if I did something really terrible but I don't recall doing that. I wish I know how to quit her but I can't. I know I'm being pathetic and ridiculous and is really damaging my ego but for some unknown reason I can't seem to just let go.
Things were said that no one ever intended to say and yet they were uttered and it brought about such emotional stress to the people involved. If it were up to me I won't let that get in a way of a good friendship but it was not up to me this time. She had made her decision and there's nothing I say or do can change that. Undoubtedly her decision to end it will cause me pain but it's something I have to accept and there's no use dwelling on it. Right now I just have to try my best not to think about her and I'll keep myself occupied with other things. I'll miss her for sure but life goes on.
Though I lost one friend last week another old friend had came back yesterday or more like I decided to contact her and meet up with her. Friends like her are the ones I should ensure I don't lose because in spite of us not seeing each other for months she's always on call when I need her around. Actually the reason why I asked her to have lunch with me is that I didn't want to stay at home because I might be tempted to try to contact the person who wants me not to talk to her. We talked for hours while I was passing time before I pick up my younger sister from school. It's always nice to know that there are people you can count on any time you need them and it's always nice to catch up on old times. Actually at one point in time we considered each other the best of friends and I'd always be her friend in school projects during high school and we've known each other since grade school. Originally she was a friend of my sister but when we were in high school we became close and we've been good friends ever since.
Stubbornness is never a good trait and so is too much persistent. I know eventually I'll get over this and just hope it's soon. I wish that when I wake up in the morning I'll stop remembering that person.
I even find myself thinking about the people who became a part of my life. Those who are still around, those who became a part of my past and those I want to just let go and be part of yesterday.
Indeed there are many people who became a part of my life and now I'm left to thinking who among them was worth knowing and keeping in my life. Some of them I've totally forgotten and stop being friends with, there are some who I try to forget but one way or the other they manage to haunt my thoughts. Right now I'm thinking of making one of them part of those people who just came in to my life, thought me something, I've learned to love and care for but will be best if she's out of my life for good.
You see I have this tendency to get too attached to people sometimes and yet I know that I'm literally wasting my time, effort, and money on that person but still I would insist on being friends with that person.
The problem with this whole forgetting about someone business is that you can't make it easy for anyone. You'll either get hurt or you'll end up hurting someone. The annoying thing about this is that you'll end up missing the person and even though you resolve to distant yourself from her and find other things to do, you still end up wondering about how she is doing and thus starting over a cycle.
A cycle of caring, being worried, being annoyed, being disappointed, and any other feelings you can think of. One thing hard about letting someone be a part of your life and opening yourself up to that person and eventually caring for that person is that you open yourself to disappointments.
I'm not even going bother explaining what I'm feeling now. I'm tired of that and besides even though I try to explain things to that person won't get what I'm trying to say, it always get misinterpreted so I'll keep quiet and will just one day stop talking to her. I think one less person to think about and stress over will be good for me. Besides there are still better friends left whom I should be giving more attention to. The only thing regretful about is the friendship is that you weren't able to do what you want to do to help the person out. It wouldn't be all that bad if you were able to make a difference in her life or at least help her with the mess she's in but then waiting for that to happen will just cause more unnecessary stress so I can't wait for that anymore and besides I'm tired of it.
On a related note: These lines describe how I feel for her. *winks*
I know I've done my very best to save my friend from that asshole If I'm not mistaken that bf he has right now is influencing her to disobey her parents.The whole thing about that bf has been going on far too long, don't you ever get tired of it? of course I'm very tired of reminding her and be her shoulder to cry on whenever that bf does something stupid such as cheating her and asked money from my dear little pathetic friend.
I'll give her time to be on her own this time, I just don't push it anymore. I'm going to distance myself from her and now is the time to do that. Giving up on her does not mean admitting defeat, it just means that I'm smart enough to accept things is not working out as I want it to be. ..
After all there this freedom that comes with age, and what am i going to do with all that? Be happy and never disobey your parents, especially they're the people would always be there for you no matter what happens.And keeps a select of good friends, including those from childhood and try myself to be open to new friendship. Anyway, I don't think I'll be journaling here... cause I'd be very busy to finish the marketing research I might not be able to post often in the coming days.=)