Thursday, January 18, 2007
A CREDO For my relationship with others
I turned on my Computer and logged on Lycos,then got an e-mail from ate naya,the email was all about us.
You and I are in a relationship which I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with his own unique needs and the right to meet those needs.
When you are having problems meeting your needs, I will try to listen with genuine acceptance in order to facilitate your findings your own solutions instead depending on mine, I also will try to respect your right to choose your own beliefs and develop your own values, different though they may be from mine.
However, when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will openly and honestly tell you how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will openly and honestly tell me your feelings. I will then listen and try to change my behavior.
At those times when we find that neither of us cannot change his behavior to meet other’s losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, but so will be mine – neither will lose; both will win.
In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, but so can I, Thus a course your needs but so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which each of us can strive to become what he is capable of being. And can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.
-Thomas Gordon, Ph.D.
We all need someone who can listen to journey with us in our pain. Most often we receive people who feel obligated to give and advice without really understanding what we are going through. This is why some people stop disclosing altogether. “What’s” the point? “Some would say, “Nobody really understands.”
Not too many of us really listen. Yet the main ingredient in a therapeutic relationship lies precisely in our ability to listen, not just with our hearts, but with our total being.
The good therapist knows full well that active, emphatic listening is at the heart of the healing process. When I listen to you I am giving you freedom of speech. I am saying in effect: go ahead; it’s okay to feel that way and to report it to me. And my freeing you from your fear and hesitancy is a great gift to you.